This one was very nice. I don’t know why the covers have to be so sensational and dorky at the same time.
In seven entertaining chapters the author describes different ways of behavior regarding pursuing and influencing people from a psychological perspective citing studies for reference.
Each chapter starts with anecdotes describing situations in which you would have had behaved differently but were noticing after the fact.
Reciprocation
We feel an obligation to people that did us a favor before. Even if the returned favor is much bigger than the original one they provided before.
This is subconscious.
We might call in obligations that others owe us. And we then might ask for too much causing antipathy in the other person. The reverse might be true aswell.
If we do not stay conscious and wary of these emotions we poison relationships along the way.
To engage in this sort of arrangement with another is not to be exploited by that person through the rule for reciprocation. Quite the contrary; it is to participate fairly in the “honored network of obligation” that served us so well, both individually and societally, from dawn of humanity.
Counter-measure:
Mr. Cialdini introduces the method of “redefinition” as counter-measure to people who try to use the method of reciprocity on you.
[…] Define whatever you have received from the inspector — extinguisher, safety information, hazard inspection — not as gifts, but as sales devices, and you will be free to decline (or accept) his purchase offer without even a tug from the reprocity rule. A favor rightly follows a favor—not a piece of sales strategy.
Remember:
- Exploitation follows exploitation
- Favor follows favor
Commitment & Consistency
Consistency
Prominent theorists […] have viewed the desire for consistency as the central motivator of our behavior.
Our desire to be consistent seems compel us to do things we normally wouldn’t do. This was interesting for me, as I often found that I mostly behave habitually and construct constistency later on which leads to more behavior in the same direction.
This reminded me of “Thinking Fast, Thinking Slow” by Daniel Kahnemann. We want to preserve energy, so our brain likes to behave according to patterns instead of thinking too much:
With our consistency tapes operating, then, we can go about our business happily excused from the toil of having to think too much.
Commitment
Commitment seems to be the “click” that is calling the “whirr” (automatic reaction) as worded by Mr. Cialdini.
Commitment can be won by the smallest questions that are posed in your way! Simple questions like “How do you feel today?” might engage you and make you decide to open up for to people.
[…] when a person has signed an order for your mechandise, even though the profit is so small it hardly compensates for the time and effort of making the call, he is no longer a prospect—he is a customer.
…and so are you!
Techniques to invoke commitment:
- “foot-in-the-door-technique”
- Small acts of compliance may open people up for bigger investments.
- “magic act”
- Acting in certain ways seem to change the views that people have of themselves.
- “the inner choice”
- We accept inner responsibility for a behavior when we think we have chosen to perform it in the absence of strong outside pressure.
- “lowballing”
- First offer something really easy or generous. Then something more expensive is introduced and we go on to comply out of commitment to consistency.
Social Proof
We tend to look for reassurance in the actions of the people around us. This brings the author the observation of “pluralistic ignorance”.
Think about a situation on the street, where some person is lying on the floor seemingly in need of help. Most people just walk by because… most people walk by.
[…] The state of pluralistic ignorance “in which each person decides that since nobody is concerned, nothing is wrong. Meanwhile, the danger may be mounting to the point where a single individual, uninfluenced by the seeming calm of others, would react.”
Counter-measure:
Be aware of pluralistic ingorance and try to overcome subconscious automatism.
Liking
People tend to say “yes” more often to the people they like. This may be because of:
- physical attractiveness
- we automatically attribute likability to attractive people
- similarity
- we like people who are similar to us
- compliments
- we like to hear positive things about ourselves
- contact and cooperation
- we like things that are familiar to us
Counter-measure:
We need to be sensitive to only one thing related to liking in our contacts with compliance pracitioners: the feeling that we have come to like the practitioner more quickly or more deeply than we would have expected.
Then mentally separate the person from the object the practitioner is trying to sell.
Authority
Authority leads people to perform actions without questioning their sanity or correctness.
This happens subliminally and must be observed with awareness.
Counter-measure:
Question the authority: “How truthful can we expect the expert to be here?”.
Scarcity
We sub-consciously act if we think something is scarce and we need to act quickly.
Counter-measure
As soon as you feel the arousal to perform a quick-buy reaction, stop short, calm down, take a step back.
Rationalize Pro & Con on paper or in another slow format avoiding short-circuit reactions.
Keypoints
Counter-measures
Each selling technique can be identified with awareness.
Use the “magic act” technique to strengthen your own views of yourself
If doing certain things repeatedly changes how you see yourself, you could resolve the resistance you feel when you try to do things that do not come as easily yet.
An example would be journaling. Answering the question for all the things you are grateful for repeatedly, changes the perspective about everyday life and yourself.